As a social entrepreneur with a disability and a passion for building disability confidence in our economy and our society, I have a lot to say about my experiences as a consumer, business person, and member of our global society. I find that sharing these experiences not only allows me a voice to be heard on the topic of inclusion, but also provides an opportunity for others to learn.

In this article, I wanted to talk a bit about the power of the personal story and its ability to change the way people perceive the world. As a keynote speaker, consultant and facilitator of various training workshops, particularly around the topic of disability and diversity confidence, I have the opportunity to really create impact in the way that people treat one another through seeing things from different perspective. For me, sharing my lived experience stories to illustrate key learning points and to challenge unconscious bias that so often influences our behaviours really works. And fortunately, there is never a dull moment in my life which gives me plenty of material to work with.

So why are personal stories such a powerful way to connect with people and challenge those unconscious biases that divide?

I think the simple answer to this is the more relatable somebody is to you, and the more you have in common, the more you’re likely to consider them to be part of your tribe. It’s human nature in its rawest form. When it comes to disability, how do you get people to see themselves as part of this tribe, particularly if they don’t have a disability themselves? Well firstly, you get people to see the human rather than the stereotype, and secondly you get them to see how disability is so inherently weaved into our entire society, that if we could recognise and respond to that positively and proactively, rather than with fear and distance, we would stop talking about a disabled person, and start talking about a disabling situation, we would stop trying to fix the person, and would rather start fixing the situation. If you do that, you create an economy which enables everybody – and that right there is good for everybody.

Let me share a personal story to showcase the impact of stereotypes and how easily these can be shifted:

Back in 2012 my first husband decided to end our marriage and I found myself back on the single scene. Now, dating in your 40s is no easy feat, add to it that you are a wheelchair user, and you add a little more complexity to the mix. Not only do you have to find somebody who suits your personality, and with whom you have a mutual attraction, but I had to find someone with a fairly strong back in case I needed to be carried around – not all places are wheelchair accessible you know. Oh, and yes, the ideal candidate also had to be able to look past their unconscious biases to see the personality that makes me, me.

Now the tricky bit in dating is to get people to see the personality before the stereotype. I decided that internet dating would be just the ticket to do this. Challenge accepted… first step was to capture my abilities, redeeming qualities, and personality quirks that were honest, yet didn’t reveal too much. . For example, “I don’t do long walks on the beach, hiking or camping” – true information provided without explanation. And so started the opportunity to virtually meet some wonderful, diverse and sometimes dodgy, people.

Once the initial marketing chatter was done, which I found quite easy as you may have noticed I’m very chatty and confident by nature, then it came to the invitation to meet. So, here’s where their journey to disability confidence began.

How did I get the person over the ‘awkward’?

It was generally at this point that I would say “I’d love to meet you, but you should probably know that I’m in a wheelchair so it would need to be at an accessible venue, and you may need a moment to process that information as I’m aware it’s a little out of the ordinary”.  Here is how unconscious bias manifests:

• That awkward moment of panic : at this point, there was usually a moment of panic as the individual was thinking back to what they may have said that was offensive, followed by the moment of awkward as they check back to that reflex fear of offending, followed by the realisation that I don’t in fact align to any of the previous stereotypes that they may have had – which causes curiosity. Curiosity, in my books, is not a bad thing as people question you to try and understand how you get things done.
• Another reflex response was disbelief, followed by the “gosh but you don’t sound like you’re in a wheelchair” observation…where upon I would say “oh I’m so sorry about that I’ll try and do better, how should I sound?”  Generally, if you say this in good spirits, people start to realise the absurdity of that comment and start to laugh at themselves.
• Once this was achieved, questions would generally be about logistics, eg “but how do you drive” etc. These questions again are good, as they focus on the fact that although I may do things differently to the norm, it’s the same things that everybody else does. Understanding this allows people to start to appreciate similar abilities but slightly different methods.

Now let’s think about this in the workplace….

• What I’ve just described is really the start of a recruitment process. How you package your abilities, focus on the qualities that make you attractive to a potential other, and how confident you are in presenting these attractive qualities really matters. So, it’s really important to do a bit of self-reflection and identify those abilities and qualities about you that will be valuable and create a positive impact on those roles or companies who you are interested in joining.
• The second win factor is not to apologise for who you are – self-confidence is critical. In a recent project that I have been involved in with the UNDP, focusing on talent programmes for young professionals with disabilities, a critical success factor of a workplace experience which leads to future employability laws with not only the disability confidence of the people in the workplace, but more importantly in the disability confidence of a young professional with a disability themselves. Why? Because they become the educators around the ‘logistics’, or the nuts and bolts of how you get things done, they have the opportunity to shift focus from the disability to the ability, and the platform to enable people to rethink how to reposition the perceived value of disability in our economy and our society.

Going back to the power of the narrative, how do you know that your message is landing with impact?

There are many ways to gauge this. In my case, it comes down to the nods, chuckles and self-reflective moments where people recognise their behaviours and their impact without feeling guilty or awkward for doing so. The truth is, even I have unconscious bias about disability that impacted on my behaviours. At one point, I found myself being such a passionate advocator of the rights of persons with disabilities, that I found myself making decisions ‘on their behalf” eg I won’t put applicants through for that position as they are only making the placement for compliance purposes. Well, that is not my decision to make – it is the decision of the person whose CV I am representing. A learning experience for me indeed, and one which I recognised as needing adjustment.

So don’t be afraid to connect with people through sharing your experiences to illustrate expertise, as well as learning experiences. It makes you human, it makes you relatable, it makes you vulnerable, which is how your audience may feel too. Anyone can learn through a textbook or learning guide, but it is the rich narrative of experience that creates impact powerful enough that it leads to change.

Watch out for my upcoming podcasts as I share more stories on my journey “From special to equal” – or contact me for more about my keynote speaker and disability confidence training services.